Archive (November 2024)

When I decided to upgrade my server, I did what I always do. I went down the YouTube rabbit hole. What I thought I wanted, and what I ended up with, are two very different things

The reason I have a server in the first place is to securely store digital content. About 10 years ago, I put together a computer specifically to warehouse data. Time passed and it became necessary to expand my storage pool and upgrade the old system. Oh the absolute pleasure researching a topic brings to my hungry brain. Should I continue to use Windows? What new hardware will speed up the old computer? Will I finally be able to access it all from the internet? Can I ditch the pay-to-play storage solutions and make my own Cloud?

I found some great operating systems for managing a home server. And the software is powerful. All of the things I hoped I could do, can be done. One thing I would need in order to access the server from the internet is a domain. A domain is just an Internet address. I, of course, watched a few YouTube videos about registering a domain. One video I watched was more about why you should have a domain, and which name to choose. In that video, the host talked about creating a website and blogging.

I’m not a blogger. I don’t need a website. Or do I? You see, I like doing all manner of things, but I really like doing things I don’t want to do. I’ve been taking cold showers for a year and half now, shall I go on? Years ago I read an article about the various benefits of writing. I filed it in my brain under, "good to know, not gonna do it." But after seeing that video about creating a website and blogging, I started toying with the idea of starting my own website. Since I often try to steer myself into pursuits that provide a benefit, why not try writing? I don't like the idea of doing it, so it's perfect! I could start a website and write a blog. Plus, the server software I was researching is capable of hosting a website. Sweeeeeeeet.

An enjoyable part of the process was choosing the domain name. What should I call a website that wont amount to much, that I hope to use to un-waste my time, and that (maybe) has a ring to it? Every time I heard a catchy phrase or a word caught my attention, I’d make a note of it. It was fun trying to come up with something. If if I had an idea, it was easy to go search domain names and see if that idea was taken. So if you want unwastemytime.com, just type it into a domain name search bar. That one is open by the way.

Most of the ideas I came up with were oxymorons, but that's besides the point. I settled on trying to use the word hope. I like this definition of hope, "The longing or desire for something accompanied by the belief in the possibility of its occurrence." I hope to remodel the kitchen. I hope I can stop eating crappy food. I hope to stop wasting my time on the internet. I don't know anything about building or managing a website, I hope I can do that too. The list of things I hope for is endless.

The only issue I have with hope is that it isn’t action, it is desire and belief. I believe that I could do a bunch of stuff! When I think about hope, I imagine inspiration, empowerment, and overcoming challenges. Just hoping for things isn't so good. Sometimes I need to rage with hope. Hope should encompass the action necessary to produce an outcome. This website is my bridge from desire to result. I put some "get-er-done" into my hope. Ta-da!

Server Update

Our updated server is turning out better than I had hoped. My first attempt at creating a cloud didn't end well. I used a program that has impressive specs, but wasn't it easy to deploy and use. So I tried a program called Immich. It's a Google Photos clone. Not only does it backup the photos and videos from our phone cameras, we can also upload files we have saved to our computer. We have backed up digital content to a hard drive (or drives) all the way back to our first digital camera. They were in various folders, sometimes with overlapping timeframes. Now, all that media is structured and stored in one place.

What is especially nice is that it organizes everything into a timeline. I noticed it identifies duplicates, so things wont be added twice. Plus it has AI features. If I do a search for "dog", it'll pull up all the photos with a dog in it. It also recognizes faces, so I can search for individuals. So cool!

Since my home server is always running, we can view and search the photos from a phone, tablet, or computer. I'll have access to ALL of my photos, anytime and anywhere. And I wont have to use the storage on my phone. So far, I'm up to 7,800 photos and 900 videos. That doesn't include the pictures from my wife's phone.

This is probably old news. I'm sure Google Photos and iCloud can also do these things. I have been hesitant to use cloud storage for two reasons; reoccurring payments and data security. The more data I store in someone else's cloud, the more it costs. And who has access to my data? I'm not very paranoid, but I still don't like giving all of my data away. Furthermore, is a cloud hosted by a company safer than mine? What if their server breaks down, do I lose everything?

But who cares, I'm psyched! It's all working, and it's working better than I thought it would. This is what money can't buy, success.

It was February of 2023. I was listening to a podcast about cold exposure. A doctor was laying out a bunch of data regarding the health benefits of deliberate cold exposure. A point came when the host opined that the data doesn't matter to most people, they wont start deliberate cold exposure becuase it’s too hard. That’s not what I heard, he said people are too wussy. Grrrrr!

I started taking cold showers that day. I continued faithfully for a year. It has now been over a year and a half since I started. To be transparent, I’ve had about 10 showers in the warm range after I finished a year, but that’s okay. I am still taking cold showers.

Over the course of that year, I realized the health benefits are a secondary matter. Cold showers are good for my mind. I’m pretty soft. Leaving the comfort zone helps me get mentally stronger. Every time I am about to take a cold shower, my brain resists. Either a little voice suggests I don’t have to do it, or I start to dread the suffering. "Oh this is gonna suck, you don’t have to do this!" But I made a commitment, I want to suffer, and I already know how it turns out. It wont be that bad, and I’ll feel great after.

The last point is the most important. I feel great after the shower. Why is it so hard to make feeling good a priority? Is it because, many times, feeling good comes at a price? There is salad in the fridge, and there are potato chips on the shelf. If I eat salad, I’ll feel good later. If I eat chips, I’ll feel good now. EAT CHIPS!!! Why do I even have chips? Apperantly I failed an earlier test, I never should have bought the chips.

I often trade feeling good later, for feeling good now. I don’t look at eating chips the same way I look at cold showers. The reason I started taking cold showers is becasue I was afraid of being a wuss. My motivation may represent a Rorschach test for my personality. Maybe I should look at food choices the same way I look at cold exposure.

To be fair, eating a salad isn’t a test of my strength. Cold showers are difficult enough that the feeling of accomplisment is immediate, visceral. Water off, feeling good. The last bite of a salad isn’t very dramatic. If I want to bio hack my way into better health, I may need to tap my psycological inclination. I like to feel power over my conscious mind. Somehow I’ll have to get psyched about conquering the chip demon. 

Twenty one years ago, while driving to work, the transmission in my little truck failed spectacularly. I later learned that the rear seal had developed a leak and the transmission fluid dripped out. We were living in an apartment at the time. I wanted to remove the transmission myself and take it in for remanufacturing but there was a rule at the apartment complex prohibiting residents from working on their cars in the lot. I knew the apartment managers, so I thought I'd ask for permission despite the restriction.

When I was in the front office talking to the lady in charge about what I wanted to do, her boyfriend overheard me. He said that he knew a guy with a storage shed, and that guy let him work on cars there. He also said he’d be willing to help me. What a guy!

I honestly don’t remember how we got my truck there, but there we were. It was late at night when we ran into a bolt that didn’t want to come out. It was on top of the transmission and was hard to reach. We were using a ratchet and socket with two or three extensions mated together, and a universal at the end. After an hour of working on this one bolt, I resigned myself to the fact that we wouldn’t be able to get this done. He, on the other hand, was not willing to accept defeat. He knew the bolt would come out.

He was right. We sat back a minute and decided to come back the next day. He suggested we try a different, more rigid, extension. Wouldn't you know, it did the trick. All told we had worked on that one bolt for a couple of hours before we finally freed it. We high fived and carried on. It didn’t take much longer before we had the transmission out and I brought it in for remanufacturing. When it was finished, we reinstalled it, and the truck was back on the road.

The experience lingered. I was impressed by his tenacity, and I was bothered by my resignation. The only reason we succeeded was because he didn’t give up hope, and I did. The whole event was a good lesson. After that, when I think I'm stuck, I view the situation as a contest. It's me against the job. I don’t give up so easily now. As far as projects go, I haven’t lost a battle since.

Archive (December 2024)

I’ve noticed some controversy surrounding social progress. Most social progress is celebrated, a few issues are contentious. I’ve also noticed, as I go through life, that it can be popular to disparage youth. The grievances are that youth are lazy or entitled, naive or misguided. Of course that isn’t everyone's attitude, but I have occasionally slipped into this mindset. Luckily, I have had the chance to get to know a number of young people, and most should not be characterized in a negative light.

Our son, Ben, has Down syndrome. Obviously, I have known him his whole life. Watching him grow up has been enlightening. To be totally honest, I was often surprised and impressed at his capabilities. I feel some guilt about those feelings because, looking back, I could have had more confident in his innate abilities. I also love him completely. He is funny, easy to be around, compassionate, and so many other things.

A lot of other people knew what I didn’t know. They knew he’d be competent and weren’t surprised by his abilities. I can confidently say that society accepts him. Especially his peers. For some reason, that has been surprising to me too. I thought he may have a hard time in middle school or high school. Not at all.

When he started school, he met some of the greatest influences he'll ever have. His teachers. They made it their goal and responsibility to teach and nurture students like Ben. They did so with respect and from a place of pure love. They would challenge students because they knew their potential. And they consistently proved their point. But one teacher went further than that.

She advocated for the inclusion of her students, the students in special ed, throughout the school. She didn’t want her children to be isolated. Now that I think of it, she may not have wanted the other children to be isolated. So she would find ways for them to interact. The students who spent time with Ben either accepted him outright, or he gained their approval through contact. Of course it seemed natural to me. If you spent time with Ben, you’d find he was easy to like.

And so it went. Ben made friends and was accepted. We moved across the country when Ben was 13. He was quickly accepted at his new school. We started to realize that people supporting one another is symptomatic of life today. More and more people are readily accepting others, especially others who aren’t considered, “normal”.

A perfect example appeared at the high school homecoming parade when Ben was a sophomore. His friend, who also happens to have Down syndrome, was the homecoming king. Ben was intrigued. He later pronounced that he was going to be homecoming king. I thought, “oh boy!” I encouraged him, but I was nervous. There are a lot of people at Ben’s high school. Would this happen again? Could he be elected king? I wondered if he would remember or if his interest would wain. He remembered and his interest only escalated.

Ben has a lot of friends at his high school. Some of his closest friends are part of a program called Unified. They meet on Monday mornings for an hour before school. The students who volunteer to be in the program are incredible. They come in EARLY ON MONDAYS just to make students like my son feel like part of the group. He made it known that he wanted to be the homecoming king, and they encouraged it.

Fast forward to Ben’s senior year of high school. It’s time to vote for the king. My daughter, a sophomore at the same school, is in class when the teacher gives them time to vote. A guy in the front row turns around and tells everyone to vote for Ben. Another guy says something to the effect of, “but I’m gonna vote for my buddy”. The first guy says, "Nope, you’re gonna vote for Ben. Ben deserves it because he wants it more than anyone.” Our daughter said they didn’t know that her brother was Ben.

Wouldn’t you know, he was elected king. It was amazing! The hype at the pep-fest was incredible. It was a big deal. The high school takes homecoming seriously. The roar from the crowd when they announced him was deafening. All the students on the field rushed in around him. A chant broke out, “BEN, BEN, BEN!”

Ben was in the parade and was announced during halftime at the football game. It seemed everywhere we went people would give him a high-five or shout his name and wave. That was three months ago and Ben hasn’t come down from that high. He looks at pictures, watches videos, and talks about that day. The students gave him the thrill of a lifetime. My impression is that they did it because they like him. He is sweet, innocent, and he loves them back.

It’s so cool how overt the students were about raising him up, “That's our guy!” This is them being progressive. They are more sensible then we were. They know how to be inclusive, they proved it. I try not to focus on the fringe progressive ideology that tends to stir up controversy. It isn’t invading our lives and ruining our culture. I sure don’t see it ruining the youth. Most social progress is fantastic, and I’m glad its happening.

I’ve never seen a ghost. I haven't seen an atom either, but I believe in those. Maybe you need to believe in ghosts before you can see one. I’d really like to see one, but I can’t bring myself to fully believe when the evidence is so scarce. Have you seen the tv shows dedicated to investigating haunted places? I’m gonna need more than that. I have met people who have seen ghosts, they catch a glimpse of something or a door mysteriously opens.

I think ghosts can see us. Well, at least that’s what I’ve heard. I’ve never taken a class but I seem to know a lot about ghosts. They can’t always manipulate the physical environment, but sometimes they can. Not everyone can see them. Some can only be heard. They tend to stay put. Or, more accurately, they usually can’t leave where they are. They walk on the ground and floors, but they pass through doors and walls. They often live in mirrors. Many are created by a homicide. And they’re stuck in one outfit, which is better than being naked (I think).

I have a terrible memory. If a ghost moved the tv remote after I left the room, I wouldn’t notice when I returned. If a ghost knocked something over in the other room, I’d probably figure I had left that thing precariously perched in some ready-to-fall fashion. Dang, maybe ghosts are constantly trying to reveal themselves to me and I’m too dense to notice.

I wonder if a ghost is trying to contact me. Maybe they have found one of those all-too-rare people who can hear them, but they're having trouble convincing them to come and find me. "Yo, I really need to go find my buddy. Can we please head that way today?” And the ghost whisperer is like, “Man I told you, I’m not going anywhere with you. Don’t you watch movies? I’m not gonna get embroiled in some drama. Someone always dies!”

If the ghost whisperer is also a skeptic, they’d be forcing it to prove itself. "Lemme see you move the remote."

Ghost: “I will, but you gotta leave the room first.”

Whisperer: "Dude c'mon, now I know you aren’t real. Just move it right now!”

Ghost: “You don't get it. I can’t just move stuff right in front of you until I’ve moved things without you seeing it happen first. There’s a progression!”

Even if the ghost whisperer finally believes, why not start using the ghost first? There may be hundreds of ghost whisperers out there, each taking advantage of their good fortune to get all manner of things accomplished. A ghost would make an excellent stud finder. Reconnaissance work anyone? If the ghost whisperer happens to be young, um, get the answers to the test please!

I know, I, know. I hear you. The ghost would make your life miserable if you don’t help it. But evil phantoms seem to be confined to certain areas. Good ghosts tend to be able to move around a bit. Run from evil, chill with the good. Plus, who came to who? Good ghosts are most likely lonely. They can finally talk to someone. I’d easily befriend them and engage in all sorts of high jinks. Maybe make a buck or two in Vegas.

The more I think about this, the more it irks me. I need be more open to ghosts being real. I want one.

I remember when diets were advertised on TV. Maybe they are still. I never subscribed to one. My impression is that they were either selling a book or a subscription service. I also remember hearing the hook, “Get off the diet roller coaster”. Fair point. The best diet is measured and consistent, but I love the diet roller coaster.

There came a point in my life when being honest with myself became a priority. As a side note, I’m having second thoughts about that decision. I envy people who live in fantasy land. Anyway, as far as my diet goes, there are times I'm dedicated and times I just don't care. I am not an even-keeled guy. I’m past denial.

Most people have refined speeches about this or that. How they eat. How they act. How they think. I’m guilty of it. In an effort to be more honest, I started amending my own little speeches. “I say this now, but wait five months, I’ll be doing something else".

Blowing with the wind has it’s benefits. When the wind blows hard, it’s fun to go with it. When it’s calm, it’s cool to just lay there. Luckily, for me, the winds shift often. As a result, It seems I have a mean state of health, and the sine wave of my life is predictable. My pants get tight, so my diet gets tight. When my pants get loose... You get the point.

This rollercoaster allows me to be a glutton, and to be an athlete. Some months it’s chips and dip, others it’s 5-day water fasts, weight lifting, and 10,000 steps a day. It’s not for everyone, but I love it. Is this a healthy way to go through life? No. Good thing I got honest about that too. My goal isn't longevity. I go hard, right up until I don’t.

We were a fortunate family. We had a VCR in the early days when they became popular. My mother was fairly liberal with which movies we were allowed to watch. On one hand, she must not have thought the movies were inappropriate. On the other hand, I am the fifth of her six children. So I was allowed to watch the movies my older siblings watched. In her defense, cinema was different. Back then, innuendo was used far more often than overt depiction. It wasn’t until years later, when I rewatched a movie from my childhood, that I would even understand the risque dialogue. Swearing, even in R rated movies was much more reserved.

Some of our favorite movies were replayed to the point of memorization. We would laugh or joke about the scenes. My brothers and I are a playful bunch, so we would work the lines into conversations. Or better yet, re-envision the scene slightly askew. There is something very satisfying about sharing common knowledge. Everyone knows what the other is talking about and appreciates the reference.

Some of our favorite movies were quite obscure. We quoted them most often because they weren’t very good. They were lovingly mocked.

Many years later I saw the movie Proof of Life. As you can imagine, it is about an abduction for ransom. It wasn’t long after I saw the movie that I concocted a daydream about a scenario where one of my brothers was kidnapped for ransom. I became transfixed on one particular aspect of the negotiations. I’m speaking with the kidnapper over the phone and I want a proof of life. For whatever reason, they won’t let me speak with my brother.

Side note, I guess this might even make sense today. Let’s say someone is trying to con you into believing they have a loved one, and you are required to pay a ransom or they will be harmed. I’m not entirely sure I’d believe my ears. We have AI now. What if they used AI to fabricate their voice in a conversation?

In either case, I need proof they have my brother, and he is alive. Using our knowledge of obscure movie quotes, I would ask them to have my brother say the next line following, “That was a priceless Steinway!” Of course, he would reply (in a French accent), “Not anymore.” Or I could say, “Wait! You dropped your phony dog poo.” He would say, “What phony dog poo?”

After I first envisioned this fictitious scenario, I thought about it often. It’s so strange and random, but it makes me smile. I’d be surprised if the kidnappers possess our ability to recite obscure movie lines, so my proof of life would be valid.

If you think this is a strange daydream, I'll give you another example of my random thoughts while musing. It wasn’t long after I met my future brother in law, I randomly mentioned that the letters in his first and last name fit perfectly into the Be Aggressive chant. He asked me, some years later, if I remembered saying that to him. I did, because it’s a great variation on a classic. He pointed out that it was a bit disconcerting at the time.

Archive (January 2025)

Over 24 million Americans wear glasses because they are farsighted. Wearing cheaters is pretty easy. Bumping up the font size on a phone or computer is pretty easy. The one place I found it very difficult to compensate for my lack of vision at close range is in the shower. Once in there, I kick myself for not studying the bottle of shampoo and conitioner. I suppose I could hang a set of cheaters in the shower. Why can’t I remember the order of those two bottles. Did my wife pull another switcheroo on me?

I travel a lot, so I stay in hotels a lot. I consistently forget to check the shampoo and conditioner before I get in. I have a 50-50 chance of guessing correctly. Unless there’s body wash, then it’s even worse. I pick the conditioner bottle as my first choice 99 percent of the time.

Why don’t the shampoo and conditioner companies make their bottles discernible? A big “S" and a big “C" would go a long way for 24 million people. Different colors perhaps? No! They choose super small font and identical bottles. It’s a conspiracy. Every time I pump one shot of the wrong product, they sell one more pump of it. Oh those big wigs, smoking their cigars in a corporate board room, belly laughing when the intern suggests coding the bottles in an obvious way.

It seems as though someone would have thought of this by now. Aren’t there people with poor vision working for the soap companies? I can’t be the first person to think of this. I’m sure there are companies that make distinct bottles, I just haven’t found them. I haven’t stayed in a single hotel that uses a discernable bottle configuration. What’s going on?

In the end, it’s on me. I need to remember to check before I get in? I’ll just have to use my disdain for waste and an impetus to consider. But this problem has been going on for years now, maybe I’m beyond hope. Maybe you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. I’m doomed!

There is a book called The Five Love Languages. The author describes how individuals have a tendency to show their love in a speciic way. The five languages are; words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. I didn’t read the book but I did get about that much out of reading a synopsis of it. Since then, I’ve often thought about how I express myself.

I don’t know my love language. I know my wife speaks all five of the languages mentioned in that book. My love language might be criticizing her driving, or impersonating her. Not cool.

She has a gentle touch and unflappable personality. She loves me despite my faults. I sometimes compare her influence on me the same way water influences rock. It takes a long time, but water eventually shapes sharp, jagged rocks into nice, rounded stones. I wish I wasn’t so slow to change.

I should be able to change. I already know my faults. I see them as soon as they present themselves. I sometimes wonder if there is something inherently negative inside of me. My wife doesn’t have the same characteristics. She doesn’t struggle with character flaws. She hasn’t been making the same mistakes for years.

I’m very lucky have her in my life. She is a force for good. Her love is not common. It is true and constant. She has the patience to see past my faults. She makes me a better person. 

Confidence is good. It drives a person to achieve. Confidence without achievement can be annoying. You know that boastful guy who never does anything, annoying. Daniel had confidence. I mean even before Miyagi started training him, he picked a fight with the leader of a karate gang with zero backup. What if he got jumped by the whole gang?

I imagine after Daniel won the tounament, his ego was inflated. He may have started to annoy his sensei. “I’m the king of the valley now”. “No one can touch me”. “Where should we put my trophy in the dojo?” I wonder if Miyagi had to bring him back down to earth. “Danielson, listen to the lyrics. You're the best... around”.

Mr. Myiagi could cut the tops of standing bottles off with his side chop. He could take on a whole gang of black belts at once. But after Miyagi pointed out that the lyrics to the title song are apropos, Daniel may have been stung, leading Daniel to comment under his breath. “Why do you have so many flys buzzing around here anyway? Have you ever heard of fly paper, or is fly paper called chopsticks in Japan?”

Surely Myiagi would have started talking under his breath too, “You’ve only had like 10 lessons. Next lesson is gonna be re-roof the house.” All of this bickering must have been in the directors cut.

I remember when my wife and I tried a juice diet. It was the current fad. There were supposed to be various health benefits. I liked the juice, but it made me ravenously hungry. We commited to consuming only fresh juice for 5 days. I didn’t make it.

I must have been very weak minded. That doesn’t seem like a very difficult ask anymore. What I didn’t condier is that most challenges are too difficult to achieve without total commitment. Since then I have steeled my resolve. I have completed a number of water fasts. If you believe the propaganda about fasting, all of the great health benefits begin after the 3rd day. So I have also done a few 5 day water fasts.

It turns out that I feel pretty darn good the entire time. I don’t feel excessively drained. My mind is the weak link. It nags at me. It wants to eat. It trys to make me feel sorry for myself, but I don’t give up. The time passes, and well, nothing. I’m not certain I reap any of the health benefits. I do feel very good about conquering my mind.

The whole point is to achieving something difficult. I’d like to believe there is a health benefit, but even if there isn’t, it is still psychologically benificial. Happiness is a bubble that slowly shrinks unless we force it to expand. Every time we push ourselves, the bubble expands.

The way we look at life makes a difference too. People are generally happy on Fridays. One person would tell you it’s because the weekend has come, and you no longer have to work. I think it’s becasue you made it through the week. If you really don’t like your job, but you went in every day and got it done, you have achieved something. And now your happiness bubble is a bit bigger. 

I decided to make a New Year’s resolution. It seemed appropriate considering how poorly I had been managing my diet. I knew I was being a glutton. I knew I hadn’t been exercising. So why did I wait to make a change? I commited to the resolution a few weeks ahead of time.

My procrastination highlights a tendency, the old put-it-off maneuver. Putting things off is heaven for the mind. Do you have something difficult to do? Put it off and feel the pleasure! I’m only half joking. Shirking responsibility often has negative consequences, but modern life is devoid of dire consequences. If you don’t eat right or get in shape, you’ll probably be fine for a long time.

What is hard to reconcile is that when the issue bothers me, I wait to change. If I don’t like the feeling I get from my diet, why not make a change immediately? There is something more to the equation. Perhaps a dietary pattern is more than just a choice. Maybe some foods are addictive. In my experience, healthy food isn’t addictive. I’ve never found myself lamenting a late night broccoli binge.

I don’t think I’m unique. I think most people would prefer to be in good physical shape and to feel good. Why are so many of us out of shape and feeling bad? Well, the answer isn’t a revelation. Junk food is cheap and easy. Cheap and easy is the evolutionary equivalent to winning the lottery. We are supposed to feel good when we eat junk food. But we aren’t supposed to win the lottery every day.

Okay, we all know this. How do we change? I really hate to leave you on a sour note, but we all can’t. Some of us don’t have the problem to begin with. Some of us sense the nature of junk food right away, and stay away. Some of us prioritze more effectively, putting the brain ahead of the gut. I am the type of person who fails too often. But I will continue to try and I will eventually succeed. What else can I do?

Archive (February 2025)

I've lived a charmed life. I have a positive family. We were more likely to hear that we are capable, than not. Others aren’t so fortunate, so it seems. Have you heard the acceptance speeches? “This is for the haters, who said I would never amount to anything”. Dang, who the heck tells someone they won’t amount to anything? Are they are getting this negativity from comments on social media. If that came from their family, it's a tragedy.

I should have realized I’d “make it". When I was young, I aspired to be a hard worker. I didn’t want to be part of a corporate culture. I didn’t want to work in an office, striving to make "numbers”. I wanted to turn wrenches, build something, fix something. I was committed to hard work and staying away from the flourescent lights.

I’m older now and I have a better perspective. Office work and turning wrenches are equally noble. Working hard is the key. Back then, I would have equated using your brain instead of your muscles, as something other than hard work. People who work with their muscles use their brains, and people who use their brains, not muscles, work hard. I was ignorant.

At least I had the most important variable right, I wasn’t afraid of hard work. To the people giving speaches about haters, I hope they don’t believe that making it has something to do with fame. If they became a productive, positive person, then they made it. Equating foturne and fame for making it is slander. They probably aren’t speaking clearly. Maybe they mean to say that when they told people they were gonna be rich and famous, those people didn’t believe them.

Is that being a hater? Fame and fortune happens to so few people, it isn't a good bet. It’s also beside the point. If a young person told me they were gonna be rich and famous, I would be indifferent. I would suggest that their goal isn’t as important as being kind and productive. If they are interested in “making it”, they should change their definition. Being rich and famous, well, that isn’t always good.

I’ve always liked the feeling I get when there is something on the line. When I played T-ball, I liked stepping up to the plate. I liked it when the ball came to me in the field. When I started riding a bike, I like going fast. When I jumped on a trampoline, I liked doing flips. Over the years, I repeatedly found out what it is like to fail. I crashed my bike, got hit by baseballs, and fell off the trampoline. I was pretty good at taking a hit.

It woud be cool to have a highlight reel of all the nasty falls I’ve had. The cloud of snow with arms and legs coming out when I bombed the moguls on skis. The falls from the lip of the halfpipe to the flat, splat! When I was young, and if I was lucky enough to have someone take me tubing behind a boat, there seemed to be a rule. You would either fall off easily, or they would continue to whip you around more aggressively until you fell hard. I remember falling hard.

Playing pickup hockey on the local rink without pads would make a good highlight clip, if you weren’t getting leveled by another player, you were probably falling hard. A friend took me riding on her horses one day. The horse did the inflate-your-belly trick. That way when it stared running the saddle would loosen up. I remember slowly tipping sideways as that horse took off running. When I finally fell off, my foot caught the stirrup and I was dragged for a while.

I like learning tricks on the diving board at the pool. The diving board liked teaching me lessons. I used to jump off the top of the slide into the shallow end of the pool. I figure the top of the slide was seven feet in the air, the shallow end of the pool was three and a half feet deep. I learned how to dive headfirst into the shallow water from up there.

When we got older, we bought motocross bikes. I never had a good one, but I always tried to run with the guys who did. The falls I took at the track were some of the worst. I raced street bikes in my 30’s. I have crashed multiple times at over 100 miles and hour. It isn’t too bad until you start to tumble, then it’s really bad. Somehow I rarely broke bones. I have never been cut very badly. I have had a few hard knocks to the head, but no severe concussions.

My brother in law once said I am the unbreakable brother. It wasn’t so much a compliment as it was an observation that I’d keep going. He had just been slinging me around behind his boat. I had wiped out a few times, skipping hard across the water. It really hurt but he kept giving me turns as long as I was willing to keep going. I’d really like to see all those falls, hits, and wipeouts. It would make a great video.

When I was young, I remember thinking Sprite was better for you than Coke. I deduced it was due to the fact that Sprite is clear. I wonder how I came to that conclusion? I’ve noticed other people have this sort of faulty reasoning. Some of it is self induced. Some of it is because they heard something, and never checked it out for themselves.

How far does it go? There are more things that we believe without ever doing the research than not. I remember being told the sun is mostly hydrogen. They know that is becasue one can analyize the light spectrum coming from the sun. Burning hydrogen produces a signature light spectrum. I have never tested this before. I just assume once the first person made the claim, other people checked it out.

I’m not into conspiracies, but how many things that we believe are untested? Or at least have never made it past being a theory? Do we adopt the best theories as truth. Many times we do. But who cares if we don’t know the truth? It seems so many people want a concrete answer.

I know I shouldn’t talk about religion, but isn’t it obvious that people have differing opinions about the origin of life. It’s a bit mind boggling. I’m not just talking about religion now, why is the unknown so distressing? I really like not knowing. I like wonding. That way I can always dream and imagine new things.

We know enough truths. We know what it is to build something. We know how it feels to eat. We know how it feels when someone hurts us. We know how it feels when someone loves us. We know what it is to be greedy. We know we don’t live forever. It should be easy to say, “I don’t know how this all came to be, but it’s beautiful.” It should also be easy to recognize what is right and wrong.

Of course it seems easy to me. I have already been through the “push” phase of my career. The time when I was learning the ropes, immersing myself in the details, and honing my skills. I have to maintain my abilities but that is a small ask. If you are young and wanted advice, I’d tell you to pick a trade, learn your craft, hone your skills, and build a business.

It’s clear that these days less people are even interested in the trades. That’s good news for the young person who wants my advice. People are paying big money for the work a skilled craftsman can provide. Plumbers make a killing! A person, right out of high school, or with a 2 year degree, can start making good money to apprentice in a trade. Then that person can learn just about everyhting there is to know about it in about 5 years. From there they could start a business.

Now it’s time to make a name for yourself. Get jobs, do them well, and hire some help. You’ll be able to make sure your employess are good at what they do too. You’ll still be young, healthy, and in charge! All you’ll have to do is work hard and do a good job. You will have all the business you can handle. Keep hiring, keep making sure everyone does their job well, and keep your customers happy.

Next thing you know, you wont be doing the work as much anymore. You’ll be getting the business and helping your employees. You own a company. What’s next? Keep growing? Stay manageable? That will be up to you. But you’ll be crushing it! If you’re smart with your finances, you’ll be taking vacations and putting money away. By the time you retire, you’ll be rich. This last part doesn’t matter too much, but it’s nice.

If you are young, motivated, and don’t mind a little hard work, a golden opportunity exists for you. All you have to do is set a goal and get started. It wont be very long before you are totally immersed. If I could go back and start over from high school, this is exactly what I would do.

Archive (March 2025)

Everyone belived in me! They shouldn’t have. but it worked. I fully believe in believing.

I've lived a charmed life. I have a positive family. We were more likely to hear that we are capable than not. Others aren’t so fortunate, so it seems. Have you heard the acceptance speeches? “This is for the haters, who said I would never amount to anything”. Dang, who the heck tells someone they won’t amount to anything? Are they are getting this negativity from comments on social media. If that came from their family, it's a tragedy.

I should have realized I’d “make it". When I was young, I aspired to be a hard worker. I didn’t want to be part of a corporate culture. I didn’t want to work in an office, striving to make "numbers”. I wanted to turn wrenches, build something, fix something. I was committed to hard work and staying away from the flourescent lights.

I’m older now and I have a better perspective. Office work and turning wrenches are equally noble. Working hard is the key. Back then, I would have equated using your brain instead of your muscles, as something other than hard work. People who work with their muscles use their brains, and people who use their brains, not muscles, work hard. I was ignorant.

At least I had the most important variable right, I wasn’t afraid of hard work. To the people giving speaches about haters, I hope they don’t believe that making it has something to do with fame. If they became a productive, positive person, then they made it. Equating foturne and fame for making it is slander. They probably aren’t speaking clearly. Maybe they mean to say that when they told people they were gonna be rich and famous, those people didn’t believe them.

Is that being a hater? Fame and fortune happens to so few people, it isn't a good bet. It’s also beside the point. If a young person told me they were gonna be rich and famous, I would be indifferent. I would suggest that their goal isn’t as important as being kind and productive. If they are interested in “making it”, they should change their definition. Being rich and famous, well, that isn’t always good.

I’ve always liked the feeling I get when there is something on the line. When I played T-ball, I liked stepping up to the plate. I liked it when the ball came to me in the field. When I started riding a bike, I like going fast. When I jumped on a trampoline, I liked doing flips. Over the years, I repeatedly found out what it is like to fail. I crashed my bike, got hit by baseballs, and fell off the trampoline. I was pretty good at taking a hit.

It woud be cool to have a highlight reel of all the nasty falls I’ve had. The cloud of snow with arms and legs coming out when I bombed the moguls on skis. The falls from the lip of the halfpipe to the flat, splat! When I was young, and if I was lucky enough to have someone take me tubing behind a boat, there seemed to be a rule. You would either fall off easily, or they would continue to whip you around more aggressively until you fell hard. I remember falling hard.

Playing pickup hockey on the local rink without pads would make a good highlight clip, if you weren’t getting leveled by another player, you were probably falling hard. A friend took me riding on her horses one day. The horse did the inflate-your-belly trick. That way when it stared running the saddle would loosen up. I remember slowly tipping sideways as that horse took off running. When I finally fell off, my foot caught the stirrup and I was dragged for a while.

I like learning tricks on the diving board at the pool. The diving board liked teaching me lessons. I used to jump off the top of the slide into the shallow end of the pool. I figure the top of the slide was seven feet in the air, the shallow end of the pool was three and a half feet deep. I learned how to dive headfirst into the shallow water from up there.

When we got older, we bought motocross bikes. I never had a good one, but I always tried to run with the guys who did. The falls I took at the track were some of the worst. I raced street bikes in my 30’s. I have crashed multiple times at over 100 miles and hour. It isn’t too bad until you start to tumble, then it’s really bad. Somehow I rarely broke bones. I have never been cut very badly. I have had a few hard knocks to the head, but no severe concussions.

My brother in law once said I am the unbreakable brother. It wasn’t so much a compliment as it was an observation that I’d keep going. He had just been slinging me around behind his boat. I had wiped out a few times, skipping hard across the water. It really hurt but he kept giving me turns as long as I was willing to keep going. I’d really like to see all those falls, hits, and wipeouts. It would make a great video.

When I was young, I remember thinking Sprite was better for you than Coke. I deduced it was due to the fact that Sprite is clear. I wonder how I came to that conclusion? I’ve noticed other people have this sort of faulty reasoning. Some of it is self induced. Some of it is because they heard something, and never checked it out for themselves.

How far does it go? There are more things that we believe without ever doing the research than not. I remember being told the sun is mostly hydrogen. They know that is becasue one can analyize the light spectrum coming from the sun. Burning hydrogen produces a signature light spectrum. I have never tested this before. I just assume once the first person made the claim, other people checked it out.

I’m not into conspiracies, but how many things that we believe are untested? Or at least have never made it past being a theory? Do we adopt the best theories as truth. Many times we do. But who cares if we don’t know the truth? It seems so many people want a concrete answer.

I know I shouldn’t talk about religion, but isn’t it obvious that people have differing opinions about the origin of life. It’s a bit mind boggling. I’m not just talking about religion now, why is the unknown so distressing? I really like not knowing. I like wonding. That way I can always dream and imagine new things.

We know enough truths. We know what it is to build something. We know how it feels to eat. We know how it feels when someone hurts us. We know how it feels when someone loves us. We know what it is to be greedy. We know we don’t live forever. It should be easy to say, “I don’t know how this all came to be, but it’s beautiful.” It should also be easy to recognize what is right and wrong.

Conscious expression is difficult. I tend to over-speak. Maybe it’s because I can’t develop a thought very well as it occurs to me. Maybe it’s because I have a tendency to take over a conversation, a sort of sub-conscious dominace thing. The older I get the more I have become aware of my tendency. No doubt because I possess some self awareness.

I dont sit and analyse conversations as they take place, but I do pay attention to them. When I have said a thing or two and the other person hasn’t, I practice staying quiet for a moment. Sure enough, they will begin to speak. I’m never sure if it’s because they think before they speak or if it’s a conditioned response to fill the void of silence. Either way, I’m happy to hear what they have to say.

Often times in group conversations I notice one person isn’t saying much. I purposely steer the conversation to that person. I don’t do that because I am a nice guy, I do it becasue my father made it a stated goal of his. He does it to be nice. I agree. It feels good too. The hard part is really wanting to know what everyone thinks.

I get tired of my own opinions. Steelmanning another position is healthy. Especially since opinions aren’t facts. I have a proclivity to make other people think the way I think, but I don’t know why, so I often purposely prop up their arguement. I don’t try to do this, it happens naturally.

I believe the best thing to do is to talk less, make the things I say have more meat. I want to be the person listening more and speaking less. The question is can I be that person? Chances are slim. I do change, but so slowly. I’ll probably be close to the end before there is any measureable difference. On the bright side, I should make a decent grandfather.

Archive (April 2025)

I failed, sort of. My stated goal was to write a blog every week for a year. My server crashed and it took me a while to fix it. During that time I didn’t write. I didn’t consciously make the decision to stop, it happened organically.

I shouldn’t let myself off the hook. It’s pretty easy to hit a roadblock and then use that as a reason to slack off. Even though I couldn’t update my website, doesn’t mean I couldn’t keep writing. No one reads my blog anyway, I’m writing because I believe it’s good for my mind. I’m also writing because it’s hard, doing things that are hard is healthy.

What happened is familiar. I start something with a full head of steam, I slack off a bit, then I go totally off the rails. The good news is that I am back writing. I am going to make up the missed posts and continue. It's a good conclusion.

If this had happened to someone else I wouldn’t give them any grief. I would think more of them if they got back to their commitment. It is hard to pat myself on the back for getting on with it, but I should.

Failing is common. Fixing the error is a good outcome. Learning from the error is a good outcome. The best outcome is not repeating the error. In this case, making a commitment and sticking to it was the goal. Not repeating the error means following through on my commitments. I want to be a person who doesn’t quit, who is dependable. I’m going to keep trying. 

I decided to get into FPV quadcopters (First Person View). They are often called drones. When I first decided to buy one, I was hoping I could get my daughters interested in the hobby too. In order to assemble one you have to do some soldering. I thought they would be interested because in the end they would have a cool toy to fly around. I was wrong.

I can understand that they wouldn’t want to solder. Unfortunately they don’t want to solder because they would rather spend their time looking at their electronics. I failed my responsibility as a father. I should have forced them to build it with me. They should be spending less time on their phones. They would have learned a skill.

It is hard to force them to do things. They put up a fight. Once I get them started, they generally like whatever I have decided to work on. It also hurts our relationship. When I get excited about something and they aren’t interested, I feel as though they don’t want to do things with me. I show a lot of interest in their hobbies. I facilitate them. I go out of my way to say yes when they ask me for something.

I’m starting to wonder if this will just be the way it is from now on. I understand my role as a supportive parent. I am starting to realize that they may never see me as a person who they should also show some interest in as well. How do I teach them that caring about what I like is important too? It seems natural that they will support their friends and boyfriends, or is that also not a given?

Maybe I should tell them exactly this point. I have a reason I am trying to show you something. I tried to pick something you will like. You may not know how much you will or won’t like it until we have worked at it for a bit. Worst case scenario, you won’t like it very much but you will have learned. It seems like an important lesson. I may have to even explain it like the way I am now. It may be harsh but it also seems like a straight forward way to teach an important lesson. I don’t know, I just want them to stop watching all those 30 second clips on their phones.

I have been trying to be a better driver ever since I started driving. I was raised by a very particular driver, one who likes efficiency when driving. He wants people to get going and to pay attention. There are some universal driving errors that never seem to change. They bother me. I am often upset when driving. Nothing extreme, just disappointment. It doesn’t do me any good to feel that way. So I have tried to be a more zen like driver, but I don’t seem to change.

People like to drive slowly in the left lane. The right lane is open, why don't they drive over there? Well, they don’t care about the rules. Or they don’t notice. I have thought about this far too many times. There is no excuse for it, there is no defense either. Their incompetence becomes a problem for anyone who would like to drive the speed limit.

It’s really interesting because improper driving habits are not viewed by the person committing them as wrong, they are ideological. People believe they can drive however they want without regard to the rules. You may be thinking this is a gross exaggeration. Maybe. I have talked to people who commit driving errors, they make excuses for what they do. A typical retort to the afore mentioned infraction is that they don’t want to be paying so much attention to whats going on, they’re having a stress free drive.

So why not do that in the right lane? I’ve also heard people say they are doing the speed limit, so driving in the left lane is okay. But that isn’t the purpose of the left lane. They have attached their ideology to it’s use, not the rule. The left lane is primarily for passing slower vehicles and turning left. Just because you are driving the speed limit doesn’t mean you aren’t a slower vehicle. You should still be in the right lane.

The excuse, “I am going the speed limit so I can hold people up in the left lane” is weird. Why are you trying to affect others? Why can’t you move over and let others live their life? America could use a lot more of this attitude, live your life, I’m not trying to get in your way.

This one driving topic is so common I thought of a bumper sticker. “Live your best life”, and then written underneath that, “in the right lane”. I brought up this bumper sticker idea at a recent get together. A majority of people understood it and liked it (because they are bothered by slow people in the left lane). It felt good knowing I wasn’t alone.

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